Sacred Thresh-holds

So, I have been going through a lot recently, concerning my calling.  While I was in Haiti I felt, more clearly than ever, called towards the priesthood.  It was if God grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me while saying "I had to drag you to a third world country, now listen".  Since our return, I have been exploring the steps necessary to see this calling through.

I will have to go through a formal discernment process, which you will hear more about as I blog more.  I will have to go back to school to finally finish my undergrad.  I will have to have my bishop's approval.  I will have to have a spiritual director.  There is a very, very abbreviated check list.  This will take years, but I am convinced that this will be one of the most amazing times of transformation that I could ever dream of.

So, one item that I have been prayerfully working on is finding a spiritual director.  Monday, I had an appointment with a S.D. at Sewanee.  At my friend Brad's suggestion, I went up earlier in the day Monday for the noon Eucharist at the Seminary.  The sermon was exactly what I needed to hear.  The Seminarian, Ann, spoke of how scared she was to come to Seminary, to explore her call to the priesthood.  She told us how her S.D. tucked a note in her prayer book on her last Sunday at her home parish saying "You will never be alone; I will pray for you every day".  Ann cited Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”


Boy, did God throw down the gauntlet with that one.  I don't know that I have ever felt more convicted and I still had my meeting with Pam, the S.D., to go!!

So, I really wanted to start the process of the S.D. because there is a considerable amount of jumble in my brain.  I could not imagine going through this process with out an S.D..  So, off I went to meet with Mrs. Pam.  As we spoke, I told her about this feeling of a big, scary wall in front of me.  But, although it was scary, it didn't make me want to proceed any less.  Pam told me that I was at something that she liked to call a Sacred Threshold.

It is amazing how simply putting a name to something reduces the fear of that thing.

I suddenly got excited!!  I was, more than ever, ready to proceed as quickly as possible!  Mrs. Pam and I continued to chat for about another hour and I felt absolutely compelled to continue down the path toward the priesthood.  Compelled in the sense that there was no other option than to throw myself whole-heartedly at this objective!

After Pam and I finished speaking, I went up to the Sewanee Cross so that I could sit, enjoy nature, reflect and journal about the day.  The cross looks out onto a clearing and then the valley below it.  As soon as I opened my journal and began to pour everything out, the trees around began to shake so severely, that it actually startled me.  However, it wasn't just the trees around me.  I looked out at the trees miles below me and I could visibly see them SHAKING as well.  The branches weren't just moving,  I was watching an entire forest SHAKE.  I have never felt that much energy move that fiercely.

It was is if God was, indeed, indicating that I was at one of His thresh-holds.  I felt like he was telling me that if he could make an entire forest shake, to then allow him to shake my soul.


"Sometimes said its suntime
Let it sunshine on my mind
Healing I need healing
A good feeling I can Shine
Feel it like you can see it
Like you can dream it in your mind
Sunny Hallelujah comin to ya
Rain or shine" - "Come In Please" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes

God is Nigh.

I love the mornings where you wake up with joy and anticipation on your heart.  Those moments are the moments where you know, with absolute certainty, how close God is.  You can feel him working on your heart.  This evening, the hubs and I are headed to Murfreesboro to participate in a Taize worship service.  Some of the guys that were on the Haiti trip with me have put this together as a special service centered on praying for our Haitian friends and our partnership with them.  If you are unfamiliar with Taize, here is the website for the community. 
I have also been making contact with potential spiritual directors.  It is a little overwhelming reaching out to complete strangers asking them to meet with me about basically being a spiritual counselor.  They are older members of our faith community, not from our home church, who can help you with discernment of our place in our journey.  Some of them are priests, some are priests' spouses and some are just active members of a parish.  That has been a particularly overwhelming activity recently.  But, I'm really looking forward to having someone to speak with regularly about the mess that lives in my head.
Today, I'm grateful for beautiful weather, knowing that there is food in our (clean!!!) house, my sweet, loving husband, a nation where we are free to worship our God, and friends near and wide.
It's in the small things, small moments that we can really feel God's presence.

Easter with Haiti

One of my team members from our Haiti trip, put this video together.  After this trip, part of my heart will always live there. 


I would love to answer any questions that anyone might have!

Enjoy!

 

Reflections on Haiti: Mercy

When Fr. Brad asked me to go to Haiti, I honestly had no idea what I was in store
for. In many ways, I chose to stay as naïve as possible. I wanted no pre-conceived
notions of what we were about to do. I understood as much as possible about our
goals while there, but I didn’t Google search images. I didn’t brush up on my very,
very broken French.

I felt like there are many times that we are genuinely called to simply have an
honest experience. I felt like Haiti was one of those times.

Something that I have been working on, my whole life, is honest and present
worship. Being so present that praise and worship is the only thought on our mind
and words on our lips. Our new friends truly worship. Watching three different
services in French-Creole was probably one of the most fascinating experiences of
my life. Especially when you consider that I only know VERY broken French, and
not even close to conversational. The services were identical in structure to ours,
but the way the congregants paid attention was different. At home, in that heat, we
would have all been miserable. Instead, they raised their hands in adoration of the
God that we were all there to serve. But, it didn’t end after the service. There was
so many times in daily conversation that I heard someone say “Thank to God”. They
are grateful people.

After our return, I participated in my first centering prayer exercise. The word that
kept coming forth in my mind was “mercy”. It occurred to me, a few weeks later,
that that was my purpose on our trip. I was there to learn another way to show
mercy to everyone that I encounter. After all, every week or every day, we worship
a God who is so merciful that he sent his only son to forgive our sins. Showing
mercy is as easy as not being quick to judge, smiling at a stranger, being sincere
when asking someone how his or her day is going. We are called to show merciful
love. Mercy is what makes our hearts able to show the world around us God’s
amazing and merciful love.

Intro

Hi, I'm Erin.

I'm a newlywed, a talker, I'm impulsive, and I'm a first-born.  I'm also the sister of a Navy Sailor, so I am very patriotic.  However, I'm still trying to find my voice on a lot of things, especially politics.  My opinions and perspectives are shifting as I get older and grow in my spirituality.  I just got back from my first trip to Haiti, where my life was absolutely changed.  This blog is my platform for vocalizing those growth spurts.  I welcome *POSITIVE* conversation, as I believe that only through communicating with others can one's own belief be fine-tuned.